Early in the afternoon it grew dark, darker than it should have been for two o' clock. The clouds looked heavy and the temperature fell. Lisa sat at her desk trying to figure out a tricky maths question but her eyes kept straying to the window. Lola, who was sitting at the next desk, leant over and whispered, "Look at that, I think it's going to snow!!!" Three whole years and no snow. It was becoming a joke! Suddenly there was a gentle tapping at the window. Lola jumped up and shouted excitedly, "I was right!!!" Lisa was a quiet girl but even she was leaping around.
At break time the children charged into the playground like stampeding elephants. White candy floss was falling out of the sky. It was really christmas this year!
LilyCooper
Friday 22 February 2013
Challenge from Mr Parr on the 10 Rules
Suddenly, as the gale howling through the school reached its peak, Mr Parr cried exultantly in his best Bristol accent, "I've an ideal! I'm going to get the children to see how many of Elmore Leonard's rules they can break in one sentence! Or at least, in the shortest possible piece of writing! They'll 'ave to see where they've put their pens 'n' laptops to first though!!!
So, how many can YOU break and how quickly can you do it?
So, how many can YOU break and how quickly can you do it?
Pie
I'm going to try not describing in detail. I normally do this a lot, so here goes!
"WHAT?" I glared up at my sister; who was still going.
"...592653589793-" she looked down at me with her evil sister eyes. "You don't know because you're not clever. I'm clever. So tough luck to you." she continued, and I left her to bleat. What's the point anyway? I can recite the alphabet, and that's way better than any stupid numbers. Mummy called from the kitchen. Supper was ready. Yummy; chicken and leek! I rushed downstairs immediately.
Mum set the tray onto the table. "Your sister Rachel and I are going to the cinema to watch a movie, life of something or other, so daddy will look after you while we're away." That's when it hit me, and everyone else too. "PI!"
Pippa
"WHAT?" I glared up at my sister; who was still going.
"...592653589793-" she looked down at me with her evil sister eyes. "You don't know because you're not clever. I'm clever. So tough luck to you." she continued, and I left her to bleat. What's the point anyway? I can recite the alphabet, and that's way better than any stupid numbers. Mummy called from the kitchen. Supper was ready. Yummy; chicken and leek! I rushed downstairs immediately.
Mum set the tray onto the table. "Your sister Rachel and I are going to the cinema to watch a movie, life of something or other, so daddy will look after you while we're away." That's when it hit me, and everyone else too. "PI!"
Pippa
Lili and Hollie number 4
We think that using adverbs to describe said is good but some adverbs might guide you towards something too much meaning some are too strong and tell you what to imagine; this is bad.
Letting your imagination run wild is a good skill to learn as it really helps you to write good stories and descriptions.
By Lili and Hollie
I really don't know wether I disagree with rule number 1or not. So I will write a piece breaking the rule and not.
Not breaking the rule:
The silhouetted man strolled across the dusty planes, heading towards me. It was disturbing; I couldn't figure out if the man was walking towards me or not. A chill crawled down my spine. I shivered. I turned and around to leave and a huge figure loomed over me...
Breaking he rule:
The wind howled as it rushed past the window. Rain and hail barraged the house, creating
an ominous pattering sound. It scared me; a figure had creeped out of the bushes , glancing
left and right for anything that could of seen him.
Luke
Not breaking the rule:
The silhouetted man strolled across the dusty planes, heading towards me. It was disturbing; I couldn't figure out if the man was walking towards me or not. A chill crawled down my spine. I shivered. I turned and around to leave and a huge figure loomed over me...
Breaking he rule:
The wind howled as it rushed past the window. Rain and hail barraged the house, creating
an ominous pattering sound. It scared me; a figure had creeped out of the bushes , glancing
left and right for anything that could of seen him.
Luke
Elmore Leonard Rules
We are Sarah and Jake. Our job today is to break the rules (particularly 7.) Here is our piece of writing that is based on an argument:
"Your dustbin lids are dis-ar-ster-us," I shouted, as the rain pattered onto my face!!!
"Your dustbin lid's Hampstead Heath are gr-o-ss," he argued aggressively.
"Bonjour. This wee word can never be used near such a st-you-pid person as you."
"Suddenly, it comes out now. Does it?" she snapped sarcastically!!!
"Your dustbin lids are dis-ar-ster-us," I shouted, as the rain pattered onto my face!!!
"Your dustbin lid's Hampstead Heath are gr-o-ss," he argued aggressively.
"Bonjour. This wee word can never be used near such a st-you-pid person as you."
"Suddenly, it comes out now. Does it?" she snapped sarcastically!!!
"Why?" asked Sebastian awkwardly.
"Because you have nobody to look after or protect you," said Sebastian's mother sternly.
CHABAM! There was such a large sound that Sebastian was almost knocked off his feet.
"Woah! WHAT WAS THAT?!" Something that looked like an overgrown monster with rotten plants sticking out of its head at confusing angles stormed into the room. It seemed rather battered.
Rule 3 And 4
Rule 3 and 4 explained my thoughts entirely; long verbs destroy the tenseness and poetic -ness
(If that's a word.) of a story or poem. A word like muttered, for example, can make the piece loud. Showing of the authors apparent greatness, yet the book or story is not about the writers greatness, it's about this amazing story, the fabulous characters. An authors book can show their greatness; not the word 'muttered' .
That is my personal opinion,
Lily Johnson Class 3.
(If that's a word.) of a story or poem. A word like muttered, for example, can make the piece loud. Showing of the authors apparent greatness, yet the book or story is not about the writers greatness, it's about this amazing story, the fabulous characters. An authors book can show their greatness; not the word 'muttered' .
That is my personal opinion,
Lily Johnson Class 3.
Parafells weather
Creeping silently through the sky, the dark, storm clouds darted out of each others way, like a rocket in an asteroid field. BANG! A clap of thunder shook the sky, and a jagged line of lightning shot across the gloomy heavens, it's powerful blow splitting the foggy air apart. I shivered, my hairs standing up at the back of my neck. Parafell had never seen such terrifying weather. People were beginning to think this was the return of evil, and nobody trusted anyone anymore. Father had called them' fussing idiots'. Privately, I agreed.
Rule 1 I don't agree
Rule 1 I think is not true because if you start with something like it was a dark and stormy night it's jumping into the story and already gripping you.
By Lily Cooper
R3
Hello,
I completely agree with rule 3. I often read books which always come up with an ''amazing'' verbs instead of said, but I always think they sound as if they are trying too hard. I think it would make sense if people weren't always told that said is a boring word, as I think it allows the reader to come up with their own way in which the charachter is speaking.
Sophie.
I completely agree with rule 3. I often read books which always come up with an ''amazing'' verbs instead of said, but I always think they sound as if they are trying too hard. I think it would make sense if people weren't always told that said is a boring word, as I think it allows the reader to come up with their own way in which the charachter is speaking.
Sophie.
Elmore Leonard's 10 Rules of Writing
Welcome to the Henleaze Junior School blog for our "Stretch" writers. It's session 1 and we're going to look at the '10 rules of writing' by famous writer Elmore Leonard. As good writers ourselves, what do we think of these? Let's pick a rule and see what happens if we follow it. Then, as "creative unicorns", we could break the rule and compare the results...
Elmore Leonard: 10 rules
1 Never open a book with weather. If it's only to create atmosphere, and not a character's reaction to the weather, you don't want to go on too long. The reader is apt to leaf ahead looking for people. There are exceptions. If you happen to be Barry Lopez, who has more ways than an Eskimo to describe ice and snow in his book Arctic Dreams, you can do all the weather reporting you want.
2 Avoid prologues: they can be annoying, especially a prologue following an introduction that comes after a foreword. But these are ordinarily found in non-fiction. A prologue in a novel is backstory, and you can drop it in anywhere you want.
3 Never use a verb other than "said" to carry dialogue. The line of dialogue belongs to the character; the verb is the writer sticking his nose in. But "said" is far less intrusive than "grumbled", "gasped", "cautioned", "lied". I once noticed Mary McCarthy ending a line of dialogue with "she asseverated" and had to stop reading and go to the dictionary.
4 Never use an adverb to modify the verb "said" ... he admonished gravely. To use an adverb this way (or almost any way) is a mortal sin. The writer is now exposing himself in earnest, using a word that distracts and can interrupt the rhythm of the exchange.
5 Keep your exclamation points under control. You are allowed no more than two or three per 100,000 words of prose. If you have the knack of playing with exclaimers the way Tom Wolfe does, you can throw them in by the handful.
6 Never use the words "suddenly" or "all hell broke loose". This rule doesn't require an explanation. I have noticed that writers who use "suddenly" tend to exercise less control in the application of exclamation points.
7 Use regional dialect, patois, sparingly. Once you start spelling words in dialogue phonetically and loading the page with apostrophes, you won't be able to stop.
8 Avoid detailed descriptions of characters. In Ernest Hemingway's "Hills Like White Elephants", what do the "American and the girl with him" look like? "She had taken off her hat and put it on the table." That's the only reference to a physical description in the story.
9 Don't go into great detail describing places and things, unless , unless you're Margaret Atwood and can paint scenes with language. You don't want descriptions that bring the action, the flow of the story, to a standstill.
10 Try to leave out the part that readers tend to skip. Think of what you skip reading a novel: thick paragraphs of prose you can see have too many words in them.
My most important rule is one that sums up the 10: if it sounds like writing, I rewrite it.
Elmore Leonard: 10 rules
1 Never open a book with weather. If it's only to create atmosphere, and not a character's reaction to the weather, you don't want to go on too long. The reader is apt to leaf ahead looking for people. There are exceptions. If you happen to be Barry Lopez, who has more ways than an Eskimo to describe ice and snow in his book Arctic Dreams, you can do all the weather reporting you want.
2 Avoid prologues: they can be annoying, especially a prologue following an introduction that comes after a foreword. But these are ordinarily found in non-fiction. A prologue in a novel is backstory, and you can drop it in anywhere you want.
3 Never use a verb other than "said" to carry dialogue. The line of dialogue belongs to the character; the verb is the writer sticking his nose in. But "said" is far less intrusive than "grumbled", "gasped", "cautioned", "lied". I once noticed Mary McCarthy ending a line of dialogue with "she asseverated" and had to stop reading and go to the dictionary.
4 Never use an adverb to modify the verb "said" ... he admonished gravely. To use an adverb this way (or almost any way) is a mortal sin. The writer is now exposing himself in earnest, using a word that distracts and can interrupt the rhythm of the exchange.
5 Keep your exclamation points under control. You are allowed no more than two or three per 100,000 words of prose. If you have the knack of playing with exclaimers the way Tom Wolfe does, you can throw them in by the handful.
6 Never use the words "suddenly" or "all hell broke loose". This rule doesn't require an explanation. I have noticed that writers who use "suddenly" tend to exercise less control in the application of exclamation points.
7 Use regional dialect, patois, sparingly. Once you start spelling words in dialogue phonetically and loading the page with apostrophes, you won't be able to stop.
8 Avoid detailed descriptions of characters. In Ernest Hemingway's "Hills Like White Elephants", what do the "American and the girl with him" look like? "She had taken off her hat and put it on the table." That's the only reference to a physical description in the story.
9 Don't go into great detail describing places and things, unless , unless you're Margaret Atwood and can paint scenes with language. You don't want descriptions that bring the action, the flow of the story, to a standstill.
10 Try to leave out the part that readers tend to skip. Think of what you skip reading a novel: thick paragraphs of prose you can see have too many words in them.
My most important rule is one that sums up the 10: if it sounds like writing, I rewrite it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)